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So much riding on this weekend

A lot happened this weekend - both good and bad. There are a lot of things riding on those events, but I can't get into detail right now. I have a lot to think on - and even more for "him" to consider. In the meantime pics are at photobucket.

Butterflies

I have had butterflies in my stomach non-stop for the last 3 days! I am so excited for this weekend, I can barely contain myself. But that's another post, another day.
I spent last night with "him." We had a great time. We talked and talked, seems we never run out of things to say. He told me all about going home, seeing old friends, catching up with family. I could tell he had a good time. I asked him if he missed me. He said yes. I wasn't sure whether to believe him or not, but I'm going to stay optimistic and say that yes, he did miss me.
Man! I can't get him off my mind. He called me Monday to say a quick hi. Then on Tuesday I asked if we could go out to celebrate my birthday. He said that if not Tuesday, then definitely Wednesday. Well, Wednesday it poured all day, and I was so afraid that the rain would send him home. So, I called his cell and told him that he HAD to stay, that it was our only chance this week to see each other. So then at 5:30 I called to see what the plan was. I asked him if he was staying, he said yes, I told him he was making my night, he said that he had plans to do much more than that (naughty boy), and I told him he better (naughty girl!).
He called once he got to the room. I met him out there. When I walked in we each went to our own beds. No kiss hello, no nothing. That isn't how we are - we are friends before lovers - and it seems to be what keeps us together. We kicked off our shoes and settled in for a catch-up session. That's what I love about him. We can so totally be ourselves with each other. It's so refreshing. He told me about his trip home. I told him about our plans for this weekend. Then Kim called. I made it to his bed during the phone conversation and don't you know that little booger started kissing on me! Naturally, I ended the call with Kim and got back to playing "catch-up" with Him. (naughty - but I love it!)
We went to dinner. We talked about our moms, our friends, a little about work, about us. It was relaxing and much needed. The waitress asked if we wanted dessert. He looked at me, I looked at him, and I KNEW we were both thinking the same thing. Who needs dessert when we have each other? We went back to his room and watched a little TV. Around 8:30 he said something about needing sleep. I asked him if he was kicking me out. He said no. I told him he was, that I was his little hooker and since he was done with me he was tossing me out. He told me I knew better than that. And hearing him say that, I realize that I do.
He isn't like other guys. He doesn't feel the need to show his feelings - or to even voice them. He just relies on you to know it. To feel it. He won't hold my hand in public. He rarely even touches me in public. But while we were watching TV he put his hand in my hair, and when I locked fingers with him, he didn't pull away. It's those special little things that let's me know he cares. Its when we lay on the bed watching TV and he wraps his arms around me and I feel like nothing can harm me. That's love to me. Not jewelry, or money, or trips. Not even sweet words. Just touches. Gentle, well meant touches.
He walked me to the door, kissed me several sweet times, then wished me a good trip. He promised me we could get together next week to finish our "celebrating" and told me to behave myself this weekend. I realized, him telling me that was his way of saying, "even though we have our own lives, I really don't like thinking of you with another guy." And that makes me love him all the more.
As I was taking the elevator down, I thought my heart would explode. I loved him so much at that moment. And I know that if he should be taken from me again I'll probably die. There is talk about him getting transferred with work. That scares the hell out of me. I told him they couldn't take him from me, especially since I just got him back. He said we'd wait and see what happens then have to adjust accordingly.
I'm keeping my fingers crossed that Cupid has mercy on us.

Ready or not

The week I've been waiting for all month is finally here! I'm so excited I can barely concentrate! Thursday seems like forever from now!
Kim gets in on Thursday night. I haven't seen her in like 3 years! I can't believe it! She is just as excited as I am. I worked this weekend to get the house cleaned up. It's not exactly how I hoped it to look, but it will work.
Then Leslie comes in Friday morning. With any luck I can be out of the office by 1 so we can be on the road by 2 or 3. Then Cocoa Beach here we come! Hit the clubs Friday night, lay on the beach Saturday, hit the bars Saturday night, lay on the beach Sunday. Then we go home.
Kim flies out Monday and I'll be back to work Tuesday. I know those 4 days will fly much faster than the 4 it takes to get to them. But it's gonna be a blast!
Now I just need to keep my fingers crossed that "he" doesn't forget about me. I won't remind him or ask anything of him. I'm just going to hope he remembers and takes the lead. He did call this morning to say hi. I haven't talked to him in over a week. If I don't see him today I'm sure I will tomorrow.
I hope things work out with us. That is the only wish I have for my birthday: Please let him love me as much as I love him!

Time to Vent

Ok, I've been holding a lot of stuff in for most of the week, and if I don't get some of it out I'm going to explode.
"He" managed to come up with every possible excuse he could to not have to see me this week. Oh, he talks about how he can't wait to get together, how he misses hanging out with me, he teases me with thoughts of what we'll do together - but bottom line is he never shows. He left today telling me that "maybe" we can get together tomorrow. Which translated means, "fat chance in hell." He is promising that we get together next week, but I've already decided I will not ask him when. I will not even bring the subject up. When I see him on Monday it will be business as usual.
My friends, or the people who call themselves my friends, have pretty much disappeared. There was talk about going out tonight for Amanda's birthday, but I never got the call with the details. So I watched a movie and now I'm goofing on here.
I think my brother has to work tomorrow at the zoo, which means I'll have the house to myself. I plan to do nothing. Maybe clean up a bit, but nothing serious. I would really like to lay out or maybe start work on the yard - but it's supposed to rain AGAIN tomorrow. You can definitely tell it's hurricane season again.
Work is ok... Ok, no it's not. That's a lie. Work sucks. I've lost motivation. Granted, I have the house to think of, but the work has become so routine. And some of the people are on my last nerve. Between the whining, rude manners, lack of respect and goofing off - I don't see what the point is in killing myself to do exceptionally well if none of my co-workers are. I told my boss today that I need a vacation. That everything everyone does is bugging the hell out of me and that if I don't get a chance to revamp I'm likely to blow a gasket.
Thank god my mini-vacation is coming up. Cocoa Beach - here I come! I can't wait to see Kim. It's been like 2 or 3 years. And it will be fun introducing Leslie to her. We should have an awesome weekend! Besides, what more could a girl need for her birthday than beach, boys, buds, and booze?
What's funny, is right now my closest pals are the girls from the forum. They know more about "him" and the rekindled relationship than anyone else. We talk about how we'd like to all meet up someday. It would be cool. Of all of them, I see myself meeting Leslie, and maybe, Claudia H. before Claudia and Lili. Either way they are a kick ass group of chicks and they like to pick apart Kenny's marriage and the other forum members as much as I do. We're so evil sometimes - but it sure is fun! Not to mention they are the first people I let into this little world. I don't know if they really enjoy reading my whacked out thoughts, but I get the feeling they check in from time to time. (if any of ya'll are reading - leave comments - it'd be cool to hear your thoughts as they hit you)
Ok, I'm getting tired. I worked 11 hours today. I've got an intense craving for ice cream, my couch, and some tv.