passing the test

I went out last night with some friends. It was Amanda's 21st birthday, and even though I knew my ass would have to be up at 5 this morning I still hung in there and partied (hard) until midnight. Naturally, I'm paying the price this morning. One ray of light - my boss is letting me go home at noon.
On another note. I finally spoke to "him" about the standup. Turns out he's pretty screwed up about his recent change in events. I knew it wouldn't be easy for him, and I was prepared to stand beside him regardless of what happens, but I didn't really think of that when he didn't show up the other night. He apologized, assured me that I've done nothing wrong, and admitted that he should have called. No problem. I just needed to hear that.
We're supposed to get together tomorrow night, but if I get out of here early we may be able to see each other this afternoon. Being with him will tell me a lot about what's to come for us. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

Disappointment No Surprise

From a young age, about 6 or 7, I have had men walking out of my life without a seconds thought. It's like they get to a certain point with me then WHOOSH they disappear.
One would think that after having this happen a time or two I would accept the fate life has handed me. If nothing else you'd think I would become numb to the pain of having to watch them walk away. But for whatever reason I cling to the smallest thread of hope that maybe, just maybe, this one will hang around. This one will find something in me worth loving.
"He" was supposed to come by last night. I was told he wanted to see the new house - and do some catching up. I gave him until 7, I figured he may have had to work late. I didn't want to call. I wanted to make him think that seeing him was just something casual. I didn't want him to think it actually meant something to me. Because that would mean that HE meant something to me. But I called. I wasn't going to ride his ass about not showing - or at the very least calling to tell me he wasn't coming, but he didn't answer. I didn't bother leaving a message - I knew that even if I tried to disguise my disappointment and annoyance it would come seeping through my voice.
There's a pretty good chance I'll have to see him today. I figure I'll just play the "I don't really give a shit" card. Yeah, it's going to hurt like hell, and I'm sure he'll see right through me, but I don't see any other way around it. Plus, if I play it cool he'll have no choice but to wonder why I'm not flipping out. Then that will make him squirm even more.
Bottom line I will not, under ANY circumstances, ask when we can get together. I will not allow the thought to even enter my mind when I am in his company. He initiated the whole thing - the ball is in his court.

Fates are changing

I got some interesting news today. "He" has moved out of his house. "He" had opened his own checking account - so I figured something was up. But when I spoke to him about it he said nothing had changed. Then some news came to me and when I asked him about what I had heard he confirmed that he had left. I asked who's idea it was - it was both of theirs. But she doesn't want to sign the papers. I'm supposed to see him Monday - I guess time will tell if my hunch about us being soul mates was true.

Catchin' the Craze

I've been on a severe Kenny kick lately. Maybe because there is a drought going on in dating land for me. Either way, I've come across some great pics - and have some new friends wanting to check them out. I've tried like hell to get them into my yahoo photo album with no success - YET. I won't give up trying, but until then this link should hook them up. Enjoy!
http://photobucket.com/albums/y176/kenzielynn/