Long Time - No Post

Wow. I didn't realize it's been so long since I last posted. A lot has happened, but I won't get into details on most of it. No sense rehashing the past.
My house was robbed Monday. I came home to find that the security and safety I felt in having a place all my own was ripped right out from under me. Fortunately, they didn't take anything extremely valuable. (Though they did make off with $70 in rolled coins that I had been saving for the purchase of my Kenny tickets for this year.) I was also one of three houses that got hit that day - so hopefully, if they get some good clues from the other houses it will lead to an arrest.
Work has been rough lately. Between my intense mood swings and the men I work with, my nerves and patience are about shot. The next couple of weeks will tell me a lot about my place in the company and whether I want to hang around to see what's to come.
Personally, things with "him" seem to have a consistancy in its inconsistancy. He usually stays with me once a week. We go for dinner or drinks - catch up on things. When he's with me he's sweet and attentive. But he won't make plans for anything. Not even the Bahama cruise I'm taking. I realize that he's getting exactly what he wants and I am getting screwed in the situation - no pun intended. And yet, I don't know how to make it stop. Everytime I try to end things and walk away for good he finds a way to worm back in. Part of me still hopes that he'll find he can't be without me. Part of me wishes some other guy would come along - wanting to settle down - and steal me away. For some reason I don't see either of those situations happening.
This seems to be the year of weddings and babies. Or maybe it's more that I'm more aware of weddings and babies. I was watching a show on TLC about weddings - I found myself crying. Crying because it was sweet how the couple came to be. Crying because I was envious of the love they shared. Crying because I want so badly to be a bride. Crying because a large piece of me still doesn't believe that will ever happen.
Monday I really felt the void that comes with being single. That desperate need to lean on someone who will protect me and care for me - and having no one available. What a sick feeling. It's almost as bad as the feeling that comes with being robbed and knowing that someone was in your home.
I really have a hard time believing that I have done anything in my life so horrible that I deserve to be alone.