Letting off Steam

June is always a busy month for me and this year is no different from any other. I feel like I'm being stretched in 20 different directions so hopefully a little blogging will blow off some steam.
Memorial Day weekend went really well. Everyone had fun and got along. Sunday I woke up not feeling too well. Lucky me caught a stomach bug that put me down for 3 days. Just as I'm recovering Rich gets hit with it. Lucky him, only had it for a day.
This weekend we're taking the boys to Virginia to see his grandparents and Tonya's parents. Then next weekend he and I are going to Ft. Myers to spend father's day weekend. Then the weekend after that I pack up and me, Leslie, and her dad are going to the Bahamas to celebrate my 26th birthday.
In all this craziness I still have work and Avon and the house to take care of. Being the type of person I am I like to be able to give 100% to whatever it is I am doing, but sometimes I just can't do it.
On top of all this I'm wrestling with some major feelings concerning Rich. I'm crazy about him, I really am. But here lately I just feel smothered. We've moved so quickly, and there's so much to adjust to what with an ex-wife and kids in the picture... I really feel like he's got me held under water and there is no wiggle room to come up for air.
I've tried talking to him and explaining why I feel this way, but he doesn't get it. He's used to be taken care of - he's used to being tied down. I'm not. And as much as I want the settled down kind of life, I'm not used to it. I'm used to going and doing what I want when I want. I'm not used to having to think of someone else or their needs. And Rich has needs - more than I expected.
The man has never really had to do anything for himself. He's 28 and he doesn't even have his own checking account. His grandma was paying his insurance bill, but because she's up north right now she's left it to him. Well, he forgot and it lapsed and he's in no rush to get it reinstated.
I come home from work - I leave before him in the morning I get home after him at night - and he's at the computer. He hasn't showered or done anything to prepare himself or the house for my arrival. I have to beg him to shower before dinner. I plan the meal and whether we eat in or go out. Then, if we eat in, I clean up the mess. I make a point of straightening the house a little each night - he sits on the couch watching me. He never offers to gather trash or load the dishwasher. I had to ask him to mow the grass last weekend. He doesn't really contribute to the groceries and I'm doing his laundry. He did help with the pool - but that was hardly work. I just feel like we went from dating to marriage in a matter of weeks and I don't like it.
I believe in going at things 50/50. I've stressed that to him. I stressed to him the importance of a nice home. He knows I work long hours. He knows I'm tired. And yet, he tries to keep me up late at night and he's very little help around the house.
The other big beef with him is the ex-inlaws. He's closer to them than he is his own family. For the longest time he refused to put minutes on his phone because the ex-wife calls all the time. So they were calling my phone. One night I had his ex-mother inlaw, ex-sister inlaw, his brother, and his ex-wife (who called 3 times herself) all call my phone in the course of 3 hours! We're taking this trip to Virginia - his ex-sister inlaw is riding with us. While we're there, I'll have to meet his ex-parents inlaw. Call me crazy - but that isn't right. First of all, he shouldn't be so damn close to them. Secondly, I shouldn't be subjected to that side of his life. I've seen his ex-wife more times than I care to. I've had to talk to her more times than my mom has talked to my dad's ex-wife in 20 years. When it's just him and I, they are all he talks about. Things they did - places they went - houses they had. And I get sick of it. And I've told him that.
I am starting to think that all these negative things are effecting the way I feel about him. I don't want to come to resent him, but I feel like my tolerance is truly being tested. Not to mention, that I feel as if he's come to be so comfortable in our relationship that he's quit trying to really win me over. I really feel as if we've totally left the dating in the dating in the dust and have just married off.
I hope that this weekend goes well. I hope that it gives me the answers I'm looking for. I hope that he clues in to how I'm feeling and understands why I feel the way I do. More importantly, I hope he does something about it before it's too late.