Motherhood... and stuff!

One of my good friends from high school just had a baby girl. She's a xanga user and posts pictures of the little one whenever she gets a chance. I have to admit the feelings those pictures evoke are foreign to me - and slightly disturbing.
I've never been one of those girls that dreamt of marrying and having a slew of babies. It just isn't in me. But with age I find those feelings change - slightly. I still don't want kids - but I wonder what it would be like. I'm amazed that girls my age - girls I grew up with -now have kids of their own. And looking at the pictures and hearing the stories that Kelly posts, makes me wonder what it must be like. The responsibility. The pride. The unconditional love. I'm envious and yet I still don't wish it for myself.
Marriage on the other hand IS something I want. I'm not sure why, though. Maybe as a confirmation to myself? Maybe just because I've always felt this half-empty feeling? It's like something is missing - part of me. Of course if I don't date I guess I won't find that potential husband - but that's entirely separate problem in and of itself.
I leave for Ohio in a week. I am so excited - I just hope everything goes as planned, both at work while I'm gone and in Ohio while I'm there. It'll be good to get away. It'll be good to see family and meet girls from the forum. It'll be good to see Kenny on stage. It'll be even better to finally see Chad.