The Silver Lining

I spent the whole weekend with Rich. Words can't fully express how I am feeling today. To know that I have finally found a guy that appreciates me, enjoys my company, and wants to be with me is more comforting that I imagined. We were laying on the couch Saturday afternoon and he asked me if I'd grow old with him. How can any girl in her right mind say no?
We spent Saturday with his friends - some of which are ex-inlaws - and seeing him in his element really made me attracted to him all the more. When he is comfortable he is fully alive - and that life is sexy as hell. (though the shyness isn't so bad...) Not to mention he didn't put on airs like other guys have done when they've had an audience to show off for. He still held my hand and kissed my forehead and hugged me like there was no tomorrow.
Sunday was spent laying around his house. We didn't really get moving until noon - and even then we had our own lazy pace. Neither of us wanted to see the day end.
I am reluctant to share him with my family. I have this fear that he'll spend one day with them and head off running for the hills. I know better than that...but things are just perfect as they are. Why change them?
I get to meet his kids this next weekend. I'm excited to put faces and personalities with the stories he tells. From what I've gathered, Lane is 6 and "daddy's boy." He's adventurous and sweet and very intelligent. Mason is 4 and the ornery one - red hair to boot! He's a lover and doesn't know a stranger.
I can't concentrate on work because my mind keeps pulling me back to different moments we shared this weekend. Riding in the hot truck on the trails of Ocala National Forest Saturday - dirty and sweaty and far from girlie and him looking at me and telling me I'm sexy as hell when I'm sweating... Sitting around the poker table Saturday evening passing the bottle of homemade strawberry wine around - seeing him at his finest.... Sitting next to him in Waffle House scarfing down like we hadn't eaten in days and not caring that we're more intent on eating and less intent on impressing each other... The ice fight we had in the living room Sunday night... The delighted look on his face when I told him that this weekend was the best ever...
Did I mention how good it feels to be with him? Or how lucky I feel to have him?

Isn't it LOVELY!?

My first week of knowing Rich proved to be an enjoyable one. Friday he picked me up after work and we went for a motorcycle ride and out for ice cream. He actually managed to carry on more of a conversation, so that was nice.
Sunday, after the folks left, he came by. He got to meet Seth, which to me is one of the most important people for him to meet, and that went well. After Seth took off we spent the evening talking and watching movies.
Monday morning I woke up to feelings of doubt concerning us and whether this is even a good idea. I spoke with a few trusted friends and they convinced me that the doubt I had was due to the fact that I've NEVER had a "decent" guy in my life. Therefore, I don't know how to react. I don't realize that what I'm feeling is normal and acceptable. The hard part is convincing myself that I DESERVE a good guy in my life. Fortunately, Rich is somewhat aware of what I've gone through in the past - and I believe he's sensitive to that. Not to mention, a part of him is looking for approval and acceptance. I mean, hell, his wife CHEATED on him! That can't be good to the ol' self esteem. So, in actuality, he needs me as much as I need him.
Monday night I got to go to his place. The over logical side of me knows that we may be seeing too much of each other too quickly. But the emotional side feels comfortable with him and doesn't believe that limitations should be placed in matters of the heart. We talked for a long time about everything. He's very affectionate and attentive. He listens and pays attention. And he started opening up more about his family and his childhood.
I don't know if I'll see him tonight. I do know we have plans for this weekend. And I'm already hoping that he hangs around long enough to make Tampa with me. Everyone is pulling for us, so hopefully all the good vibes and well wishes will work for us!

The First Date

We did it! Last night Rich and I had our first date! It went really well as far as first dates can go. He came by the house around 8. When we went out to get in his truck he actually opened the truck door for me! I can't tell you the last time a guy opened a truck door for me! He told me I looked nice and that I was prettier and younger looking than I was in my pictures online. I was impressed that he could pay a compliment without sounding like he was after something - I didn't realize guys did that. ;-)
He took me to a Japanese steak house - which was cool, except we were the ONLY TWO there! The restaurant was REALLY quiet - they didn't even have background music - and we joked about having to come up with something to say to kill the silence. He's really shy in person, so I kind of had to carry the conversation, but he kept up his end well enough.
After dinner we headed back to my house (yes, he got the truck door again). Hopper was his usual "crack dog" self, yet Rich didn't seem bothered by it. He played with Hopper as we talked. I could tell he was nervous so I tried to play like I didn't notice. We sat on the couch comfortably, but he didn't try any funny business. We talked for a while and just like every other time we've been in conversation, time flew. Next thing we knew it was after midnight!
I walked him to the door and asked him if this was going to be a repeat occurrence. He wanted to know if I wanted to go out again - I told him I did. He gave me a hug, kissed my cheek and then at the last second put a quick one on the lips. It was awkward - definitely good 1st kiss material - and happened so fast I barely had time to pucker. :-) But it was sweet and innocent and said a lot about how he is with women.
I woke up this morning to find that he'd left a message on myspace. He told me that my pictures didn't do me justice and that he thought I was really pretty and that the jeans I had on that night made me look really good. He said that little fact didn't help his nerves at all, but that he hoped we could go out again real soon!
I can't put in to words how nice it was to go out on a date and it be just that - a date. Pure, simple, awkward - yet sweet and promising. He is absolutely NOTHING WHAT SO EVER like any guy I've ever dated before. He's only a few inches taller than me - I'd say 5'7" - and I think he said he weighs like 135 lbs. - so he's nothing big. He has dark hair (that he claims would be curly if he let it grow out) and eyes and a serious face. But when he talks he gets this grin. His voice is sort of gravely and has a southern twang in spite of growing up in New York. He's cute. His boys are his life and he wishes he had more time with them. It's obvious that his marriage, divorce, and ex-wife weigh heavy on his mind and yet I can see where he wants to move on. In fact, I asked him if he enjoyed the bachelor life and he said no, that it was boring. So maybe there's hope with this one!? Maybe I finally found a guy who isn't bothered by being tied down? I'm just going to enjoy it and see where it takes me!

Trust Your Gut

You would think after all the failed relationships I've had over the years, I would learn that the best policy is to trust my gut. My gut told me that Scott was a mistake. My gut was right.
He called me Sunday morning at 3. He'd been out drinking and decided that I was the person he wanted to talk to. How nice for him. Now, I would like to know, why couldn't you call me at some point prior to 3 AM? We had a little chat about things, I reminded him (once again) that I wasn't interested in games and bootie calls. He informed me he wasn't interested in a serious relationship and that he would never expect a bootie call from me.
Hmmm. Then why are you calling me (drunk) at 3 in the morning!?
Needless to say, there is nothing more to say on this subject. He still has my bracelet, but I'll find a way to get that back.
In other news, I was contacted by a guy from the Ocala area. He found me on myspace and had some questions about Kenny Chesney. Naturally, I was more than happy to educate. We started talking online sometime Saturday afternoon. We moved our conversation to an instant messenger sometime around 7 that evening and we finally disconnected around 230 Sunday morning.
His name is Rich. He's 28, recently divorced and has 2 little boys. He works in Leesburg, lives in Ocala, but is originally from N.Y. He seems nice - pretty down to Earth. Definitely a country boy, which is never a bad thing.
We chatted more Sunday and Monday. Tuesday morning I woke up to find his phone number on my instant messenger. I left him a short message on his voice mail - which he didn't get until I chatted with him that same night - and now he has my number. He asked me out last night while we were chatting. I'm not sure when or what - and I'm slightly nervous because I met him online and I don't think the ex-wife is completely out of his system - but at this point, what do I have to lose?
We talked about Scott and briefly touched on my dating history. I stressed to him the importance of truth and my STRONG dislike for players. Considering all that I've been through in the last couple of years, I have a tendency to automatically expect the worst. The trick is not doing that with Rich. We'll see how the date goes.

2nd Chance with an old Flame

My trip home was awesome! I had a great time at the concert meeting people from the Fan Club/Forum. It was really nice to spend the time with Stacey - nothing beats being with people who REALLY know you and have seen you through some tough times. Seeing the family was good, but I'm more convinced than ever that home is NOT something I can go back to. The whole Chad thing has been revealed, discussed, and dismissed. MOVING ON!
I came home and made my promised call to Scott. Allow me to introduce you to Scott.
I met Scott about 3 years ago through a mutual friend. We "dated" for a few months but eventually went our seperate ways. He moved to Daytona - I just moved on. Then a few months ago I litterally bumped in to him at a Chris Cagle concert. We swapped numbers promising to get together.
WELL - I was hesitant to actually take him up on his offer - our past wasn't exactly something I cared to repeat. See, when we first started dating we were stupid kids - more interested in getting some action than actually looking for someone we could rely on. And I am WELL past that point. Being male - I wasn't so sure he was.
After the whole Chad fiasco I figured I had nothing to lose by going out with Scott. So we made arrangements to get together on Sunday. He finally calls around 5 and asks me for dinner. We go - we talk - we find that we can easily pick up where we left off.
There's something about Scott - he's very approachable and it's easy to be completely honest and up front with him. He's not the typical "pretty boy" I normally date - so that means he's not really full of himself. He has a good head on his shoulders and has goals for his future that go beyond drugs/alcohol/video games. He is the GM for a Honda motorcycle dealership, and is looking into buying a house in the next 6 months.
I told him I wasn't interested in being a bootie call - that I couldn't take any more games. He told me that was the last thing he wanted. He had been involved with a girl - lived with her - and she left him. Games were not on his agenda. When I left his house I had a good feeling about things.
He called to check in on me Monday. We spoke briefly last night. He's supposed to call this evening. I don't know EXACTLY what our potential is, but at this point I'm not going to worry about it. I'm just going to enjoy being involved with SOMEONE.
I am glad to be home. To be back to my routine. I haven't felt well the last couple of days. I think a lot of the things I've been dealing with personally have finally caught up to me. Between the trouble with my niece, my biological father rearing his ugly head, work, the house, and matters of the heart... there's only so much a girl handle. There's only so much my BODY can handle.
Leslie and I are in the process of making plans for our cruise. I think her dad is coming for protection. It should be interesting. All we have left to do is book and get our passports. YEAH!