Damn! Where has the time gone?

Since it's been so long since my last post I won't even BEGIN to update on the events in the last 2 months. A lot has been going on - nothing really bad - just really busy.
Rich and I are still going extremely strong. He's pretty much living with me. In other words, he lives with me, but the majority of his stuff is at the other house and he still pays rent there. We've kicked the word "marriage" around and we've even entertained thoughts of babies... but I really don't see anything happening any time in the near future. I made it clear that I'd like to be engaged for a while and that I don't want him to totally move in until we're married. We'll see if that actually happens.
His ex-wife is the thorn in our asses 99.9% of the time. Lane would make up the small percentage that's left over. Tonya just can't accept the fact that Rich has moved on and has found someone to love and who makes him happy. Last weekend she threatened me with tresspassing charges and told me she thought I was a bitch and that she wanted to kick my ass.
Yeah, good luck with that.
We get the boys tonight. I'm sure there will be dirty looks at the least. I'm hoping like hell to avoid a full wage war. It's not fair to me and Rich. It's really not fair to the boys.
I doubt I'll post too much more on here. If I do it'll be hit and miss. Myspace is addictive as hell and it's a lot easier to post there. Not to mention, people actually read it.

And the Results are In!

This is the first time all week I've actually had time to catch things up since Virginia. Overall, the trip was a huge success. We managed to pack, gather kids, and travel in fairly decent time with no major incidents.
The house was cute - old and needed a lot of work - but full of potential. I was built on the side of a mountain, which made for an amazing view. Rich's grandparents and aunt were extremely nice and really welcomed me to the family from the minute I walked in the door. His grandma kept telling me how happy she was that he'd finally found a nice girl. She wanted to know what we'd been up to and how Tonya was behaving. Of course I had to dish on all the goods.
Saturday afternoon we made the hour long drive to the base of the largest mountain in the area. Then we began the hour long winding ascent to the top of that mountain. Tonya's parents have a cabin up there and that is where we were leaving the boys. I was extremely nervous about this meeting. Even though Rich is extremely close to them, I wasn't sure how they'd feel about me - the replacement to their daughter. Fortunately, they are very nice people and seemed to like me from the get go. We spent most of Saturday with them and had dinner there before going back to the house.
Sunday we made the trip back to the cabin in order to take Rich's grandma there for a visit. As we were saying our goodbyes Tonya's dad actually hugged me goodbye. They all told me to take care of Rich and to have a safe trip home.
Rich's family was sad to see us go - and frankly, we didn't really want to leave the mountains either. Our drive home was quiet - what with no boys to entertain us - but it was nice. I drove most of the way while Rich slept. It gave me time to reflect on the weekend and my feelings on Rich and his family.
The boys seem to really be warming up to me. Mason fell asleep in my arms on the way to Virginia and Lane asked for my attention on numerous occasions throughout the trip. They are still more inclined to go to their Dad for things, but mom has assured me that will change in time. As for Rich - I feel better about things. He listened in on some of the chats I had with his grandma, and I think he realized I was here for the long haul - but he'd have to meet me half way on some things.
From the minute we walked in the door I noticed changes in him. He helped unpack and start laundry. He helped straighten the house and do some of the chores. He made an effort to contribute. We talked about our living arrangements and I pointed out that we ARE living together - it's only fair that he helps out around the house. And he has.
This weekend we're going to Ft. Myers to spend time with my family. I'm excited about this trip. I'm anxious for mom and dad to spend more time with Rich. I'm anxious for Ang to meet him. I really don't see anything bad coming from our going there.
Thursday I head south to board a ship that will whisk me away to the Bahamas! I am so excited - I can't believe I'm going. In all the excitement, I forgot that Saturday will be my birthday. 26. Can I really be that old? Mom and dad are combining my birthday with Father's day this weekend and then Rich is cooking something up for before I go.
Training the girl at work has been more work than I expected. I thought for sure she'd be an easy train. Boy was I wrong. Every blonde joke I've ever heard has been about this girl. Ditzy isn't even accurate. No common sense. No computer knowledge. UGH.
Once I'm in the Bahamas, I won't care. Once I get home, I'll just deal with what I have to face.

Letting off Steam

June is always a busy month for me and this year is no different from any other. I feel like I'm being stretched in 20 different directions so hopefully a little blogging will blow off some steam.
Memorial Day weekend went really well. Everyone had fun and got along. Sunday I woke up not feeling too well. Lucky me caught a stomach bug that put me down for 3 days. Just as I'm recovering Rich gets hit with it. Lucky him, only had it for a day.
This weekend we're taking the boys to Virginia to see his grandparents and Tonya's parents. Then next weekend he and I are going to Ft. Myers to spend father's day weekend. Then the weekend after that I pack up and me, Leslie, and her dad are going to the Bahamas to celebrate my 26th birthday.
In all this craziness I still have work and Avon and the house to take care of. Being the type of person I am I like to be able to give 100% to whatever it is I am doing, but sometimes I just can't do it.
On top of all this I'm wrestling with some major feelings concerning Rich. I'm crazy about him, I really am. But here lately I just feel smothered. We've moved so quickly, and there's so much to adjust to what with an ex-wife and kids in the picture... I really feel like he's got me held under water and there is no wiggle room to come up for air.
I've tried talking to him and explaining why I feel this way, but he doesn't get it. He's used to be taken care of - he's used to being tied down. I'm not. And as much as I want the settled down kind of life, I'm not used to it. I'm used to going and doing what I want when I want. I'm not used to having to think of someone else or their needs. And Rich has needs - more than I expected.
The man has never really had to do anything for himself. He's 28 and he doesn't even have his own checking account. His grandma was paying his insurance bill, but because she's up north right now she's left it to him. Well, he forgot and it lapsed and he's in no rush to get it reinstated.
I come home from work - I leave before him in the morning I get home after him at night - and he's at the computer. He hasn't showered or done anything to prepare himself or the house for my arrival. I have to beg him to shower before dinner. I plan the meal and whether we eat in or go out. Then, if we eat in, I clean up the mess. I make a point of straightening the house a little each night - he sits on the couch watching me. He never offers to gather trash or load the dishwasher. I had to ask him to mow the grass last weekend. He doesn't really contribute to the groceries and I'm doing his laundry. He did help with the pool - but that was hardly work. I just feel like we went from dating to marriage in a matter of weeks and I don't like it.
I believe in going at things 50/50. I've stressed that to him. I stressed to him the importance of a nice home. He knows I work long hours. He knows I'm tired. And yet, he tries to keep me up late at night and he's very little help around the house.
The other big beef with him is the ex-inlaws. He's closer to them than he is his own family. For the longest time he refused to put minutes on his phone because the ex-wife calls all the time. So they were calling my phone. One night I had his ex-mother inlaw, ex-sister inlaw, his brother, and his ex-wife (who called 3 times herself) all call my phone in the course of 3 hours! We're taking this trip to Virginia - his ex-sister inlaw is riding with us. While we're there, I'll have to meet his ex-parents inlaw. Call me crazy - but that isn't right. First of all, he shouldn't be so damn close to them. Secondly, I shouldn't be subjected to that side of his life. I've seen his ex-wife more times than I care to. I've had to talk to her more times than my mom has talked to my dad's ex-wife in 20 years. When it's just him and I, they are all he talks about. Things they did - places they went - houses they had. And I get sick of it. And I've told him that.
I am starting to think that all these negative things are effecting the way I feel about him. I don't want to come to resent him, but I feel like my tolerance is truly being tested. Not to mention, that I feel as if he's come to be so comfortable in our relationship that he's quit trying to really win me over. I really feel as if we've totally left the dating in the dating in the dust and have just married off.
I hope that this weekend goes well. I hope that it gives me the answers I'm looking for. I hope that he clues in to how I'm feeling and understands why I feel the way I do. More importantly, I hope he does something about it before it's too late.

We need an update!

Man, having a boyfriend sure is time consuming. Between work, the house, and Rich I barely have time to breath much less post.
But I'm not complaining!!!
I love being in a rewarding relationship. I love having someone to go home to. I love falling asleep next to him. I love waking up with him. I love him to death and I can't imagine not having him around.
We've fallen in to a comfortable routine. Some would say that it's predictable or even humdrum, but I love it. I like knowing what's going to happen when I get home - even though things are never completely a repeat of the night before. I know we'll have dinner. I know we'll snuggle on the couch while watching TV. I know we'll go to bed at the same time. But it's the way we go about these things that keeps it all interesting.
I still can't get over how he makes me laugh. I'm not talking the occasional chuckle. I mean deep from the belly, tears rolling down my face, having a hard time getting a breath kind of laughs. And it doesn't take much for him to evoke them in me.
On the more "personal" level - he's the most attentive man I've ever been with. His pleasure and happiness is the last thing on his mind. Selfish is NOT a word I would use to describe him. It's refreshing and reassuring to be someone who 1. wants to be with me as much as I want to be with him and 2. wants to make me happy above all else.
Robert says we'll be married in 6 months.
I don't see things happening THAT fast, though I can see us engaged or talking engagement in 6 months. Married in 1-2 years.
He's it.

Three Powerful Little Words

I have always imagined what hearing the words, "I love you" would sound like. Last night, for the first time, I got to experience that feeling first hand.
The last couple of days have been an emotional roller coaster of sorts. Rich and I have clicked so incredibly well - and the feelings he evokes in me are so strong - I wasn't sure what I was facing or how I would deal with those feelings. Meeting his kids and ex really showed me that if we are going to be together we're going to have to be a team.
I had messaged him telling him how he had sent me in a tailspin. I told him how I have all these emotions I just want to blurt out, but am afraid to because I don't think I could handle the rejection if he didn't feel the same.
I went to his place after work last night. The night started as it normally does - talking about our day, exchanging kisses and hugs, making plans for the evening. The only difference was he kept looking at me really weird and he made no mention of the message I'd sent. We went to dinner and had a nice time talking about what our dream house would be like and debating on whether our waitress was high or just a freak. After that we went back to watch a movie. The movie played but we didn't watch it. We started talking about this that and nothing at all then all of a sudden he says, "I hear there's something you want to blurt out."
I was speechless. Did he want me to confess my feelings? Did he want me to be the first to say it? If I said it would he say it back?
We talked some more always coming back to the topic of the "blurt." Then he takes my face in his hands and looks into my eyes. I knew what was on his mind so I told him to say it. He just smiled. Again I told him to say it. He kissed me. AGAIN I told him to say it. And then he whispered, "I love you." I closed my eyes and I swear my heart was going to explode in my chest. I wrapped my arms around him and told him I loved him and for the first time I fully realized my future with him.
My mom and boss and some of my friends keep telling me we're getting close too fast. Mom said that when I pass the six month mark then she'll know it's for real. But they don't know how he makes me feel. They don't know how we just click. Nothing has to be said - we just understand each other. Yeah, we've only been together a month - but that's almost every day for month. That's a lot of time talking and getting to know each other. And we're both at a point in our lives where we aren't going to play games. We aren't in it just hoping that we make it. We're in it knowing that we'll make it. And that makes all the difference.

Some pictures

Some pictures from the weekend:

My heaven...

It's almost been a month since Rich came into my little world. I can't even begin to pinpoint the dramatic changes he's caused by just being around. Happiness is damn near an every day thing. And as meaningful as my life has been - I have a whole new purpose.
He had the kids this last weekend. Before he could take them the ex-wife insisted on meeting me. So, after work we went out to the ball diamond where the boys were playing tee ball. We weren't there 5 minutes when she started ripping him a new ass. Telling him what an awful father he was and how the boys are angry with him for not seeing them enough. Never mind the fact that she doesn't always let him have them on weekends he's supposed to. She complained because their schooling was so expensive and she was having trouble being a single mom. Rich reminded her that his grandma had them in a good private school and that she was the one to pull them out not him. He's offered to pay for whatever the boys need - and he always pays more child support than necessary. I wanted to remind her that she wouldn't have been a single mom if she hadn't gone and messed around on Rich. But I just bit my tongue.
After she bawled him out for 15 minutes she demanded to know who I was. He told her my name - made introductions. And then the grilling began. She wanted to know about me. Rich, normally calm and collected, started to lose his cool. He asked her just what exactly she wanted to know. She rattled off some bullshit stuff concerning work and my experience with kids. Wanted to know if I had kids, and if I did, was I the kind of mother that had my kids taken away from me. HUH?!
Rich told her I worked for a contracting company, that I owned a house in Leesburg, that I didn't have kids but that I am from a large family. The whole time this little exchange is taking place I'm just sitting there. I might as well have been in another country. She walks off for a while then while he's off getting sports drinks for the boys she comes back. Try to apologize for being a complete bitch - saying that she only does that because someone has to keep Rich in line. Told me she hoped that I could straighten him out. He comes back and then we get the lecture to end all lectures. She tells him that she hopes he manages to find some one on one time with the boys - that she would hope that we would show them enough respect not to kiss in front of them or for me to stay over. Pretty much just talked to us like we were kids.
Once she left things were great.
We watched the boys play ball then took them to dinner. Almost immediately Mason, the 4 year old, took to me. Lane wasn't as sure about me - he's in the "I hate girls" phase. The only thing that helped me with him was the fact that I have a pool at my house and that I've met Kenny Chesney - one of his favorite singers.
We hung out at Rich's that evening - playing and watching movies. I left around midnight and didn't see them again until the following evening.
We had just gotten back from dinner when she called to check in on the boys. I was sitting on the couch with Rich and I could hear her end of the conversation. She wanted to know almost immediately if I was there - had I stayed over - had he spent any time with the boys one on one. For the first time I totally saw Rich go off on her. He told her that what we did was none of her business and that it was no different than when she moved her boyfriend in.
I thanked him later for standing up for me and our relationship like that. I assured him that my attentions weren't to try and replace the boys' mom and that their past was their business. He told me that he'd never try and force me into a mother position and that the way I was with the boys was perfect. As for standing up for me - that was a no brainer and he'd do it again to anyone in a heart beat.
He came over Sunday night after dropping the boys off. I think we were both feeling a little battle worn, and yet stronger for it because we know we can go against any adversary together and still come out on top. We're a strong team - and even if I stay silent through the fight - he knows I have his back.

The Silver Lining

I spent the whole weekend with Rich. Words can't fully express how I am feeling today. To know that I have finally found a guy that appreciates me, enjoys my company, and wants to be with me is more comforting that I imagined. We were laying on the couch Saturday afternoon and he asked me if I'd grow old with him. How can any girl in her right mind say no?
We spent Saturday with his friends - some of which are ex-inlaws - and seeing him in his element really made me attracted to him all the more. When he is comfortable he is fully alive - and that life is sexy as hell. (though the shyness isn't so bad...) Not to mention he didn't put on airs like other guys have done when they've had an audience to show off for. He still held my hand and kissed my forehead and hugged me like there was no tomorrow.
Sunday was spent laying around his house. We didn't really get moving until noon - and even then we had our own lazy pace. Neither of us wanted to see the day end.
I am reluctant to share him with my family. I have this fear that he'll spend one day with them and head off running for the hills. I know better than that...but things are just perfect as they are. Why change them?
I get to meet his kids this next weekend. I'm excited to put faces and personalities with the stories he tells. From what I've gathered, Lane is 6 and "daddy's boy." He's adventurous and sweet and very intelligent. Mason is 4 and the ornery one - red hair to boot! He's a lover and doesn't know a stranger.
I can't concentrate on work because my mind keeps pulling me back to different moments we shared this weekend. Riding in the hot truck on the trails of Ocala National Forest Saturday - dirty and sweaty and far from girlie and him looking at me and telling me I'm sexy as hell when I'm sweating... Sitting around the poker table Saturday evening passing the bottle of homemade strawberry wine around - seeing him at his finest.... Sitting next to him in Waffle House scarfing down like we hadn't eaten in days and not caring that we're more intent on eating and less intent on impressing each other... The ice fight we had in the living room Sunday night... The delighted look on his face when I told him that this weekend was the best ever...
Did I mention how good it feels to be with him? Or how lucky I feel to have him?