I Think I've Figured It Out

I've spent the last few weeks trying to figure out what the void is that is ever present. As happy as I am with all that is taking place for me, I have still felt as if something is missing. My job is going in the direction I need it to be in order to succeed at the goals I've set. The house is coming along as well as can be expected on the budget I live on. My family relations are as good as I can hope. My relationship with "him" is as good as I can hope for given the road blocks he continually puts in my path.
So, what is this missing link? Passion. The very fuel that keeps the human spirit running at full throttle. I lack it. And not in the form of drive to accomplish the goals I've set - lord knows I have plenty of that. I lack the passion provided by another human being. The desire. The heat. The sensation.
I have an ex-boyfriend, we'll call him John, who wonders into my thoughts on a regular basis. We only dated for 3 or 4 months - but they were the most eye-opening, sexually intensified months of my life. He taught me things and showed me things I never thought I'd be interested in, much less take part in. And it was as simple as candles, massage oil, and music - as involved as porn, bondage, and positions that you could only imagine. But that was John. That was what made him tick. He loved sex. He loved the female body. He knew how to bring that body to life. He enjoyed feeling good and making his partner feel as good as he did.
I'm not saying that "he" doesn't do that. He has his moments. But he's older and our time together is usually after a long day of work. He's settled in his routine. He's done his experimenting. And because he's at a more "practiced" level he naturally expects me to be there with him. It's not that he isn't willing to work to please me, it just doesn't occur to him that he may need to help me along. I love him. I'm not intimidated by him in any way. If he does something I don't like I'm comfortable enough to tell him. And when I give suggestions he's good about trying to implement them into our time together. But I miss the spontaneity. I miss the element of surprise. I miss being seduced. And while he is very stimulating visually and physically, I find that sex with him is sometimes too comfortable.
Does this mean I'm looking for greener pastures? No. Because what John had in the bedroom he lacked in the important areas of trust, dependability, commitment. "He" still has some work to do on the commitment and dependability areas - but given his personal situation right now I can hardly hold it against him. But I know I can trust him. I know that I can be honest with him. Above all else, I know that he respects me. And that is one thing that John could never do. As much as he loved women and sex - women were just props - much like the candles, porn, and positions.
I guess it comes down to what is more important: passion or love? At this point in my life, knowing what I want to see happen in the next few years, I'm going to go with love.
Once again, "He" won out.