Wading through the results...

Ok, so I made a mistake on my little get away weekend. In my drunken state, I apparently made a phone call to "him." Seeing as how I blacked out around 1230, I can only go on what my friends have told me. So here's the rough version: I called and pretty much told him that now that he is back in my life I have realized that the feelings I have felt for him are strong ones. I told him that even though we haven't really discussed it, I did love him, and I wished that "he'd get his head out of his ass" and realize that he loved me to.
Damn!
I guess it's true what they say, alcohol is the liquid truth serum. So, Saturday, once I got somewhat alive, I called to apologize. I got his voicemail and wasn't able to talk to him until Tuesday.
The minute he answered I could tell things weren't good. He said we needed to talk. Turns out his less than significant other was over (her mom had a heart attack) while he was listening to the messages I had left (which I guess the drunken one was kinda loud?) and heard everything. He told me that I got him into a shit load of trouble and was going to cost him a lot of money. I apologized. He then goes on to say that I shouldn't worry about it and that it wasn't my fault. Not only does that contradict his statement about getting him in trouble and costing him money, but it also completely avoids the fact that I laid my heart on the line. We finished the conversation with him telling me we need to "play cool and lay low" for a while until things blow over. I took that as a break up.
So we went the whole week without seeing each other and keeping our conversations completely business related. Until Friday.
"He" has 2 dogs that are pretty much like his kids. He's had them since pups and they are spoiled rotten. He's always told me stories and showed me pictures - but I've never met them in person. Well, when the house he had with his LTSO was sold the deal was that the dogs would go with the house. He was moving into a condo that didn't allow pets and they weren't really her dogs anyway. Turns out the family that bought the house decided they didn't want the dogs and told him he needed to come pick them up.
When I had first heard that the dogs were sold I knew how badly he had to feel. I knew how much these dogs meant to him and could imagine the loss he was feeling. I told him he should've told me about it and I would've taken the dogs until he could come up with another option. I guess he kept this in mind, because when he called Friday morning he wanted to know if I was interested in making some extra money.
Saturday, I adopted 2 new dogs, shi su boys. They are adorable. He came over with them and all their stuff (and these dogs had more shit than I did moving in) and was telling me about their eating and sleeping habits. He was polite, even friendly, admired the house and helped me "patch" the fence so that the dogs could go outside, but when he got ready to leave there was no hug, no kiss. He thanked me (genuinely) for helping him, told me that once again I was taking care of him, and told me that on top of the $50 a week he's paying me to have them, he'll help me fix up the house however I need done. I naturally told him that wouldn't be necessary. I don't want his money, I don't want his help (I bought this house on my OWN), I want his love. He said something about how I should feel special - he wouldn't let just anyone take his boys - and I suppose that was his way of saying that my confession of love didn't go entirely unnoticed. But it still left me feeling empty and sad.
He's called several times this weekend. Checking in on the dogs - making sure I haven't had any problems. They really aren't that bad. They are older than my dog - so they sleep a lot. But one of them did pee (damn near a gallon of piss, I swear!) on my new suede couch, and as much as I've scrubbed and Febreezed I can't get that urine smell out. (I've even put dryer sheets in the cushions.) He offered to buy me a new couch. That won't be happening either.
He may be by tomorrow. Since we have the day off, he said something about coming by to see the boys and to do a better job on the fence. If not tomorrow then definitely Tuesday. I just hope that he doesn't continue with his slightly stand offish behavior. I don't want to lose him now that I have him back. And I'm kind of hoping that if he sees how well the boys have taken to me (they follow me around the house) he might soften a little. He did say that now that they are here he has a good excuse to come by. (and he even told the boss that he was having me keep them)
So, tonight I pray to all the gods, spirits, and fairies - please, please, PLEASE don't let me lose him. I need him as much as I want him - and I don't think I deserve any more torture in matters of the heart.